#AskClarence

Commons Receives B Rating After 'Nasty Patty Night' Kills Health Inspector

Basketball Programs Outshined by #1 Ranked Wii Bowling Team

Warm weather beckons 8,000 students to emerge from sewers and hammock until September

Marquette announces birth of beautiful baby limo

Unmotivated senior unable to finish anythi

Ask Clarence: What should I be for Halloween?

Ah, Halloween. The second spookiest day of the year. I get this question all the time. It's hard to sort through the Harley Quinns and...

Ask Clarence: 8 Easy ways to pay off your Marquette student loans

Students are always asking me tips on how to save money and how to pay for school. Now that Marquette is raising tuition again, it seems...

Ask Clarence: How do I sneak beer into my dorm?

Welcome to college, all you young-bloods! Looking to party in your dorm rooms? Looking to get wild? Looking to slowly poison yourself...

The Golden Seagull is a student-run satirical news site founded in 2016 by Ian Schrank and Josh Kujawinski. Our mission is to provide the students of Marquette University with best coverage of news big and small, national and local, real and fake.

With the exception of public figures, the Golden Seagull uses all invented names in its stories. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The Golden Seagull is not associated with Marquette University.