Freshman in Bro Tank takes Golden Eagle Games way too seriously
Repeated calls of “D UP!!!” and “HUSTLE!!!!” were heard across the Helfaer Recreation Center as freshman Chad Stanwick sprinted up and down the court. He wore a black sweatband, tight-fitting white shooting sleeves on both arms and a bro tank that read, “sun’s out, guns out” in neon green lettering.
“I’m out here representing my squad,” said Stanwick, a freshman in McCormick playing with four people he’d never met before. “Gotta show all these other posers that they can’t hang with us.”
The Golden Eagle Games are a four-day, campus-wide athletics competition between all of Marquette’s dorms residence halls. While most view the event as a fun way to get to know people and an excuse to play Mario Kart, Stanwick sees something else: an opportunity to establish dominance. “This is all about letting everyone else know that I’m the baddest,” said Stanwick, taking a swig from his protein shake. “I’ve signed up for all six events today and I’m gonna win all of them, obviously. That’ll shut up my second-grade classmates for picking me last in kickball.”
Stanwick’s enthusiasm for the game has not rubbed off on his teammates, who collectively rolled their eyes every time Stanwick yelled “CURRY!!!” before air-balling another three-pointer. Ben Tarpley was one such teammate. Tarpley had wandered into the gym several minutes before tip-off looking for a team to join when Stanwick approached him.
“I asked if there was an open spot on his team and he immediately demanded that everyone get off the court so he could make me do dribbling exercises,” Tarpley said. “This guy really needs to get a hobby of some kind.”
Other transgressions that teammates lay at Stanwick’s Air Jordan-clad feet include calling fouls on every possession, elbowing opponents on rebounds and, worst of all, actually trying to play defense. One anonymous teammate described him as “a walking, talking inferiority complex.”
Stanwick rebuffs these accusations, claiming it’s all in service of a greater good.
“We gotta get those Golden Eagle points,” he said, on his way out the door to ruin bag toss for everyone. “Swear to god, if Carpenter beats us, I’m going to get trashed and sulk alone in my room for, like, a whole hour.”
