Freshman Carried Home by Upperclassman
Freshman Zack Monroe had an eventful night this past Saturday. After going to two different parties and taking a grand total of five shots, Monroe discovered something about himself: he’s a lightweight. Monroe spent most of his time at the second party over the toilet bowl, and stripping down until he was butt naked so his clothes wouldn’t get dirty. After finding some diapers lying around, he put one of those on to prevent him “having an accident.” “It was definitely a rough night,” Monroe told the Golden Seagull. “I probably wouldn’t have made it home if it wasn’t for Sam Carrol.” While Monroe was destroying someone’s bathroom, senior Sam Carrol took it upon himself to get him home. “Zack was an absolute disaster,” said Carrol. “He was screaming, crying, crapping himself in his diaper and just bringing down the party for everyone. So I went up there, cradled Zack’s tiny freshman body in my arms, and made sure he got home.” Monroe described being carried home as a very calming experience. “If I got upset, or started crying again, Sam knew just how to calm me down. He’d pat my back, rock me back and forth, sing me a song… he really knew how to keep me under control.” What’s more impressive was that Carrol was able to get Monroe into his room without getting him written up. “The MUPD officer asked me about him at the desk, but I convinced them to let me get through. Any time they tried to stop me I’d say 'Shhhhhh, you’ll wake him,'” Sam told us. “I honestly can’t believe it worked.” Last Saturday was a learning experience for Monroe. He told us that he’s glad he knows his limit, but next time he plans to drink the same amount quicker to “see if that helps.”
Carrol almost could not believe the incident. “It’s crazy, man," he said. "Freshmen look younger and younger every year.”
