Throwing things out of Carpenter Tower to become a club sport

CARPENTER TOWER - Students lined up in front of Carpenter 906 to join Marquette's latest club sport: throwing things out the window.

"Carpenter Shot Put" is a brand new club started by freshmen Ewan Schenck and Jonas Ellison. The duo said that a combination of laziness and apathy led to their inspiration.

"I had some orange chicken from Chopstix sitting in our fridge for like two weeks before Jonas told me to get it out of our room," Schenck explained. "I didn't feel like going all the way downstairs, so I just tossed it out the window. It splattered into an orange star on the ground, and that's when we knew we were on to something."

In the following weeks, Schenck and Ellison began throwing everything out their window: food, cups, and even $1,000 worth of textbooks (three of them).

"When they put the giant dumpster in front of the building last semester, they were really just encouraging us more," Ellison said. "They gave us a target to practice our aim. It's no wonder everyone else started doing it."

Soon enough, every resident in the building was throwing things out the windows. Cobeen dining hall reportedly had a major fruit shortage, because orange made the coolest splat when they hit the ground. Carpenter RAs were told to discourage their residents from participating, but 9th floor RA Marcus Anderson said he could not bring himself to do so.

"I know it's dangerous to have constant projectiles flying out of the windows, but this is the first time I've really seen my residents bond. It's really hard being a freshman in Carpenter, but Ewan and Jonas are really building a community here."

Schenck and Ellison held the first official meeting of "Carpenter Shot Put" Monday morning in their room. To commemorate the event, they decided to take their game to the next level.

"They said it couldn't be done, but we'll see who's laughing when we throw our futon out the window," Schenck said before giving the final push to the sofa-bed. As the window shattered, the crowd of students erupted with cheers. "I believe this club will be the best thing that has ever happened to Carpenter Tower."

You can check out the new recruitment video for "Carpenter Shot Put" below!