#JimmyStarke

Commons Receives B Rating After 'Nasty Patty Night' Kills Health Inspector

Basketball Programs Outshined by #1 Ranked Wii Bowling Team

Warm weather beckons 8,000 students to emerge from sewers and hammock until September

Marquette announces birth of beautiful baby limo

Unmotivated senior unable to finish anythi

MUPD Nattie nails 95 Theses to Church of the Gesu to commemorate Reformation anniversary

Wednesday morning, MUPD’s fuzziest PR stunt Nattie went to the Church of the Gesu and nailed a paw-written copy of Martin Luther’s 95...

Marquette advocacy group protests in Wehr Chemistry bathrooms so nobody gets offended

MILWAUKEE – On Tuesday, students protesting the delayed response to giving Puerto Rico necessary hurricane relief aid moved to the...

Marquette changes inspirational campus signage to ‘reflect the lingo of the youths’

On Wednesday night, University staff tore down the large, inspirational campus signage and replaced with a new collection of messages...

Freshman mistakes location of stats class, longboards to Cudahy, WI

On Wednesday, freshman business student Dexter McCluster inadvertently longboarded all the way from Carpenter Tower to the City of...

Marquette sophomore wins activism award for calling Trump a “cheeto” on Twitter

MILWAUKEE – On Tuesday, sophomore student Analisa Guardiola was awarded the Mario Savio Memorial Lecture Fund’s Young Activist Award...

Marquette Sorority awakens Kraken with chant

MILWAUKEE – On Sunday, the Marquette chapter of the Zeta Alpha Kappa (ZAK) sorority awakened and summoned the legendary Nordic sea...

Student claims backpack full of beer actually contains books

On Friday evening, student Keith Stone engineered the perfect plan to smuggle some beer into his Straz quad for a night of jovial...

Golden Eagle migrates to Miami for the Winter

MIAMI – Reports have confirmed that the Marquette Golden Eagle has checked into a condominium in Little Haiti, Miami where he will...

The Golden Seagull is a student-run satirical news site founded in 2016 by Ian Schrank and Josh Kujawinski. Our mission is to provide the students of Marquette University with best coverage of news big and small, national and local, real and fake.

With the exception of public figures, the Golden Seagull uses all invented names in its stories. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The Golden Seagull is not associated with Marquette University.