First-year professor thinks students will show up to Tuesday class
In his biweekly email, new Astrology professor Sturec Notify expressed excitement about a massive group activity planned for his Tuesday...
Professor has yet to grade a single assignment
In an unsurprising move, Philosophy professor David Von Erich has yet to grade any assignments this year. Von Erich, who is in his 30th...
Marquette Campus Ministry hires first Pastafarian minister
The latest move in Marquette’s diversity and inclusion initiative is to hire Isabella Barilla, a former leader of the Milwaukee Church of...
Girl with full face of makeup in 8 AM class must be a sociopath
At 7:54 Monday morning, junior Christine Stuart attended her 8 AM Marketing Management class with a full face of makeup. Sources say she...
Marquette sends email to all students stating opposition to slow walkers
In a nearly unprecedented move, Marquette University sent an email to every student explicitly stating a negative position on slow...
Study finds student's apartment contains more pizza boxes than furniture
A new study from the Marquette University Law School revealed that the apartment of junior Andy Bauman contains more Papa John's pizza...
Sendik's now charging 10 dollars for 12-pack of carrots
In a move that has rankled many of its college-age customers, Sendik’s grocery store has announced that it is increasing the price of its...
Students greatly relieved to hear that crime victim was not affiliated with Marquette
A brief spate of panic swept over campus last weekend when a shooting was reported at 22nd and W. Wisconsin Ave, only a block away from...
