The Golden Seagull tells you what to wear
After a weekly meeting with the writers at the Golden Seagull, the editors realized the staff was lacking in the female department. The solution? Hire a woman to cover relationship gossip, fashion trends, secret government projects to militarize corgi puppies, and other girly topics.
Students from all over the country are gearing up for the start of the new semester, and I have the fashion advice to help the fresh meat on campus blend in with current Marquette trends.
At Marquette University, we take school spirit very seriously. We show up to Men’s Basketball Games if the weather is right and there isn’t a better party going on that night. We go to other Marquette Athletics games if there is a cool enough free item being given out upon entry. But the way we really show our love and appreciation for Marquette is our fashion choices.
Don’t be that kid who is too thirsty for Marquette and wear Marquette gear. Play hard to get with MU, and wear spirit gear from OTHER schools. +10 points if you wear the gear of our rivals. Finish your outfit by wearing the exact same pants that everyone else on campus has, to show solidarity with your fellow Golden Eagles.
This outfit choice is for the freshmen on campus. For many of you, this is your first time away from your helicopter parents who dictate your fashion choices. Some of you might even be coming from high schools with uniforms, and are itching to show off your personal style. Make a good first impression, and dress like the rebel you are because you just turned 18 and now you can be tried an an adult in a court of law.
Ladies, show the world that no dress code can hold you back and wear essentially just lingerie to class. For an accessory, take out that choker necklace you bought at Claire’s when you were in 7th grade. Now people will assume your heart is as cold as the rest of you as you sit in an air conditioned lecture hall for hours on end.
Fellas, this is your time to wear those shirts that weren’t allowed in high school because of their provocative statements. No physics teacher will come up to you with duct tape and ask you to cover up curse words or beer logos, because this is college! So wear a shirt that shows you are not only hilarious, but you are also determined to get a head start on growing a beer gut to match your dad. This shirt is particularly funny because it references your love for alcohol AND it shows off your interest in politics. You’ve been a Political Science Major for almost a week now, so own it.
Uh-oh. It’s already October? Only yesterday you were skipping class because it was syllabus week and hanging out with your (now) ex that you met at the square dance. Now your parents are calling you saying they want to visit you at school, but you aren’t ready for them to see that you’re a month in and your life is still a mess. Your priority is cleaning your room and switching out your beer can collection for a stack of books that you are supposed to be halfway through. That leaves you with about 20 minutes to get yourself dressed, so here’s a cheat sheet.
Girls, find that dress that you wore the last time you went to visit your grandmother. Bring a cardigan with you, because it will trick your mom into thinking you’ve finally taking the adage of “take a sweater, it’s going to be cold” to heart.
Guys have it easy. Just find the least wrinkly button up shirt and throw on some shorts that kind of match. You might be a little chilly, but your jeans probably smell like beer and vomit because you still haven’t figured out how to do a proper load of laundry. With these outfits, you’ll successfully trick your parents into thinking you are becoming an independent adult.
Pro-tip: you can set them aside to be worn again when you go home for Thanksgiving Break.
Going to school in Wisconsin means that fall can quickly turn to winter in a matter of days. Don’t get caught looking like a nerd in a puffy jacket that will keep you warm. Instead, just put together outfits that make you look warmer.
Ladies should wear a fuzzy North Face jacket paired with furry Ugg Boots. Make sure you get them in black because it will make you look like a badass who isn’t afraid of the cold.
Guys can follow a similar color scheme, but instead of wearing a jacket, just find a half zip sweatshirt. You can’t get caught dead in a puffy vest, because some parents might think you’re a tour guide. Pair your sweatshirt with cargo shorts, because despite your mom taking pity on you and doing your laundry after Parent’s Weekend, you’ve probably run out of jeans yet again.
Well, I hope you find this advice helpful, class of 2020. The worst thing in the world would be to stick out and be your own unique person, because being a hipster now too mainstream to be cool anymore. So dress the same as everyone else, and don’t forget that a lanyard can make any outfit go from meh to WOW, despite all of the upperclassmen that will tell you that it makes you look “like an idiot”.
